01.01.70
Shortly after Michael Phelps won his first Olympic medal, a
company came out with a line of Michael Phelps underwear. The
Spandex-heavy offerings were supposed to give you the look of a
competitive swimmer.
Even though I can't swim a lick and have never been confused
with Michael Phelps, I had to try them. Wouldn't a swimmer's
T-shirt give me the appearance of possessing abs?
Made like a sausage casing it was as tight as a Beverly Hills
housewife's face.
Once you put the thing on, you didn't know if you could ever get
it off.
Oh, sure, you looked thinner, but all that fat moved somewhere
-- giving you the appearance of possessing a front butt.
As the first day wore on, the T-shirt crept up until I had the
equivalent of a sports bra. All that compression? Gone.
The shirts didn't wash well, either. After a few loads with a
few regular T-shirts, it looked like the victim of a gang fight.
The Michael Phelps shirt went in the garbage (and presumably didn't
burn - there were so many synthetic fibers it probably
sizzled).
Source: Sioux City Journal